i hate being emotional. i hate not being able to control my reactions and thoughts. i hate that i feel like i want to lay in bed and never get out. i hate feeling like i could cry at any given moment and the next laugh uncontrollably. i hate being so whiny that not even i want to be around myself. i hate that i feel like no one cares and at the same time i feel like i'm being suffocated by those around me. i hate, worst of all, not knowing how to stop all this craziness.

xoxo

i try really hard not to want things. i strive to be content. but sometimes i wonder if the reason i don't get certain things is because i don't want them bad enough. my mom talks about how she wants to send my sister to north carolina because she talks about it so much and wishes for it so hard. my mom says she wants to go with my dad to hawaii because that's his dream honeymoon. my brother wants, needs something new everyday; whether it be a game or cleats, it becomes a necessity. and the provoking part is that they will all get their way.

am i too closed-minded to not long for something, anything?

do i not plan ahead or look to the future enough to desire new and exciting things?

am i trying too hard to be content with what i have and losing sight of any dream and/or goal i might have or set for myself?

do i limit myself and my potential because i have trained myself to be accepting of what i already have?

is contentment really a good thing to strive for?

i don't know anymore.

confusion has presented itself.

xoxo